Expressions Using Numbers

Now, the VOA Special English program Words and Their Stories.
Today I will tell about expressions using numbers. Let us start with the number one. Numbers can be tricky. On the one hand, they are simply numbers. On the other hand, they have meanings. I, for one use these expressions a lot.
Many people consider themselves Number one the most important person. They are always looking out for Number one and taking care of Number one. It is as if they are the one and only person on Earth.
Some people, however, are not so self-centered. My brother is such a person. It is true. No joke. I am not trying to pull a fast one on you.
First, you have to understand that my brother is one in a million. He is such a nice person. All his friends like him. They consider him one of the boys.
Recently, my brother had a bad day at the office. It was just one of those days. Nothing went right. So he stopped at a local bar, a drinking place, after leaving work. My brother planned to have a glass of beer with his friends, a quick one, before he went home.
But a quick one turned into one or two, and soon those became one, two, many. As my brother was leaving, he ordered a last drink, one for the road. His friends became concerned. One by one, they asked him if he was able to drive home safely.
Now, my brother is a wise and calm person. He is at one with himself. He recognizes when he has had too much alcohol to drink. So, he accepted an offer for a ride home from a female friend.
At one time in the past, my brother had been in love with this woman. She is a great person, kind, thoughtful and intelligent. All good qualities rolled up into one.
But sadly, their relationship did not work. He always used to say, "One of these days, I am going to marry this girl." But that never happened.
For one thing, she did not love him as much as he loved her. It was just one of those things. The situation was regrettable and my brother had to accept it. But even now, he considers her the one that got away.
However, they are still friends. And because my brother had been kind to her, she felt that one good turn deserves another. He was good to her and she wanted to help him in return.
So she drove him home. If my brother had driven home from the bar that night, his number would have been up. Something bad would have happened.
Thankfully, he made it home safely. And he and the woman are back to square one. They　are back to where they started, being friends.
Song: One is the loneliest number that you ever do. Two can be as bad as one, it's the loneliest number seems the number one, Ah~~
This VOA Special English program Words and Their Stories was written by Jill Moss. I'm Faith Lapidus.

Pigs Is Pigs

Now, the weekly Special English program American Stories.
Our story today is called "Pigs Is Pigs". It was written by Ellis Parker Butler. Here is Shep O'Neal with the story.
Mike Flannery, the agent of the Interurban Express Company leaned over the desk in the company's office in Westcote and shook his fist. Mister Morehouse, angry and red, stood on the other side of the desk, shaking with fury. The argument had been long and hot. At last, Mister Morehouse had become speechless. The cause of the trouble lay on the desk between the two men. It was a box with two Guinea pigs inside.
"Do as you like them." shouted Flannery, "Pay for them and take them. Or don't pay for them and leave them here. Rules are rules, Mister Morehouse. And Mike Flannery is not going to break them." "But you stupid idiot!" shouted Mister Morehouse, madly shaking a thin book beneath the agent's nose. "Can't you read it here in your own book of transportation rates? Pets, domestic, Franklin to Westcote, if correctly boxed, twenty-five cents each." He threw the book on the desk. "What more do you want? Aren't they Pets, Aren't they domestic? Aren't they correctly boxed? What?"
He turned and walked back and forth rapidly with a furious look on his face. "Pets, " he said, "P-E-T-S, twenty-five cents each, two times twenty-five is fifty. Can you understand that? I offer you fifty cents." Flannery reached for the book. He ran his hand through the pages and stopped at page sixty-four. "I don't take fifty cents." he whispered in an unpleasant voice. "Here's the rule for it." When the agent be any doubt about which two rates should be charged on a shipment, he shall charge the larger. The person receiving the shipment may put in a claim for the overcharge. "In this case, Mister Morehouse, I be in doubt. Pets them animals may be. And domestic they may be. But pigs, I am sure they do be. And my rule says plain as the nose on your face, pigs, Franklin to Westcott, thirty cents each."
Mister Morehouse shook his head savagely. "Nonsense," he shouted, "confounded nonsense! I tell you. That rule means common pigs, not Guinea pigs." "Pigs is pigs." Flannery said firmly. Mister Morehouse bit his lip and then flung his arms out wildly. "Very well," he shouted, " You shall hear of this. Your president shall hear of this. It is an outrage. I have offered you fifty cents. You refuse it. Keep the pigs until you are ready to take the fifty cents. But, by George, Sir, if one hair of those pigs' heads is harmed, I will have the law on you." He turned and walked out, slamming the door.
Flannery carefully lifted the box from the desk and put it in a corner. Mister Morehouse quickly wrote a letter to the president of the transportation express company. The president answered, informing Mister Morehouse that all claims for overcharge should be sent to the Claims Department(索赔委员会). Mister Morehouse wrote to the Claims Department. One week later, he received the answer. The Claims Department said it had discussed the matter with the agent at Westcott. The agent said Mister Morehouse had refused to accept the two Guinea pigs shipped to him, therefore the department said Mister Morehouse had no claim against the company and should write to its Tariff Department. Mister Morehouse wrote to the Tariff Department. He stated his case clearly. The head of the Tariff Department read Mister Morehouse's letter. "Ah, Guinea pigs," he said, "probably starved to death by this time." He wrote to the agent, asking why the shipment was held up. He also wanted to know if the Guinea pigs were still in good health.
Before answering, agent Flannery wanted to make sure his report was up-to-date, so he went to the back of the office and looked into the cage. Good lord, they were now eight of them. All well, and eating like hippopotamuses. He went back to the office and explained to the head of the Tariff Department what the rules said about pigs. And as for the condition of the Guinea pigs, said Flannery, they were all well, but there were eight of them now, all good eaters.
The head of the Tarfif Department laughed when he read Flannery's letter. He read it again and became serious. "By George, "he said, "Flannery is right, pigs is pigs. I'll have to get something official on this." He spoke to the president of the company. The president treated the matter lightly. "What is the rate on pigs and on pets?" he asked. "Pigs thirty cents, pets twenty-five." the head of the Tariff Department answered. "Then of course, Guinea pigs are pigs." the president said. "Yes," the head of the Tariff Department agreed, "I look at it that way too. A thing that can come under two rates is naturally to be charged at the higher one. But are Guinea pigs, aren't they rabbits?" "Come to think of it," the president said, "I believe they are more like rabbits, sort of half way between pig and rabbit. I think the question is this: are Guinea pigs of the domestic pig family? I'll ask professor Gordon, he is an expert about such things."
The president wrote to professor Gordon. Unfortunately, the professor was in South America, collecting zoological samples. His wife forwarded the letter to him. The professor was in the high Andes Mountains. The letter took many months to reach him. In time, the president forgot the guinea pigs. The head of the Tariff Department forgot them. Mister Morehouse forgot them. But agent Flannery did not.
The Guinea pigs had increased to thirty-two. He asked the head of the Traffic Department what he should do with them. "Don't sell the pigs." agent Flannery was told, "They are not your property. Take care of them until the case is settled." The Guinea pigs needed more room. Flannery made a large and airy room for them in the back of his office.
Some months later, he discovered he now had one hundred sixty of them. He was going out of his mind. Not long after this, the president of the express company heard from professor Gordon. It was a long and scholarly letter. It pointed out that the Guinea pig was the Cavia aparoea, while the common pig was the genus Sus of the family Suidae.
The president then told the head of the Traffic Department that Guinea pigs are not pigs, then it must be charged only twenty-five cents as domestic pets. The Traffic Department informed agent Flannery that he should take the one hundred sixty Guinea pigs to Mister Morehouse and collect twenty-five cents for each of them. Agent Flannery wired back "I've got eight hundred now. Shall I collect for eight hundred or what? How about the sixty-four dollars I paid for cabbages to feed them?" Many letters went back and forth, Flannery was crowded into a few feet at the extreme front of the office. The Guinea pigs had all the rest of the room.
Time kept moving on as the letters continued to go back and forth. Flannery now had four thousand sixty-four Guinea pigs. He was beginning to lose control of himself. Then, he got a telegram from the company that said error in Guinea pig bill collect for two Guinea pigs, fifty cents. Flannery ran all the way to Mister Morehouse's home. But Mister Morehouse had moved. Flannery searched for him in town, but without success. He returned to the express office and found that two hundred six Guinea pigs had entered the world since he left the office.
At last, he got an urgent telegram from the main office. "Send the pigs to the main office of the company at Franklin." Flannery did so. Soon came another telegram. "Stop sending pigs. Warehouse full." But he kept sending them.
Agent Flannery finally got free of the Guinea pigs. "Rules may be rules," he said. But so long as Flannery runs this express office, pigs is pets, and cows is pets, and horses is pets, and lions and tigers and Rocky Mountain goats is pets. And the rate on them is twenty-five cents. Then he looked around and said cheerfully, "Well, anyhow, it is not as bad as it might have been, What if thim Guinea pigs had been elephants?"
You have heard the story "Pigs Is Pigs". It was written by Ellis Parker Butler. Your storyteller was Shep O'Neal. The story was published by Randomhouse in nineteen forty-five in the best American Humorist short stories. It's copyrighted, all rights reserved for VOA Special English. This is Shirley Griffith.


埃利斯·帕克·巴特勒(Ellis Parker Butler,1869——1937),美国著名作家，评论家，幽默大师。发表30多部书，2000多篇小说和随笔。其中《猪就是猪》(Pigs Is Pigs, 1905)，是其最著名的短篇小说。

歌词

乡村民谣：Jambalaya (Carpenter)

Good-bye Joe, he gotta go, me oh my oh
He gotta go-pole the pirogue down the bayou
His Yvonne the sweetest one, me oh my oh
Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou
Thibodaux, Fontaineaux the place is buzzin'
A Kin-folk come to see Yvonne by the dozen
Dress in style the go hog wild, me oh my oh
Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou
Jambalaya and a crawfish pie and fillet gumbo
Cause tonight, I'm gonna see my ma cher a mi-o
Pick guitar, fill fruit far and be gay-o
Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou
Settle down far from town get him a pirogue
And he'll catch all the fish in the bayou
Swap his mon to buy Yvonne what she need-o
Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou
Jambalaya and a crawfish pie and fillet gumbo
Cause tonight, I'm gonna see my ma cher a mi-o
Pick guitar, fill fruit far and be gay-o
Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou
Jambalaya and a crawfish pie and fillet gumbo
Cause tonight, I'm gonna see my ma cher a mi-o
Pick guitar, fill fruit far and be gay-o
Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou
Jambalaya and a crawfish pie and fillet gumbo
Cause tonight, I'm gonna see my ma cher a mi-o
Pick guitar, fill fruit far and be gay-o
Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou

经典情歌：Hero (Mariah Carey)

There is a hero if you look inside your heart
You don have to be afraid of what you are
There is an answer if you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know will melt away
HOOK:
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
It is a long road when you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
You can find love if you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt will disappear
HOOK
Lord knows dreams are hard to follow
But don let anyone tear them away
Hold on, there will be tomorrow
But in time youl find the way
HOOK
That a hero lies in you

I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started

最新流行：Get This Party Started (Pink)
Get this party started on a Saturday night
Everybody's waitin' for me to arrive
Sendin' out the message to all of my friends
We'll be lookin' flashy in my Mercedes Benz
I got lotsa style, got my gold diamond rings
I can go for miles if you know what I mean
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started

Pumpin up the volume, breakin down' to the beat
Cruisin' through the west side
We'll be checkin' the scene
Boulevard is freakin' as I'm comin' up fast
I'll be burnin' rubber, you'll be kissin' my a**
Pull up to the bumper, get out of the car
License plate says Stunner #1 Superstar

I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
Get this party started

Makin' my connection as I enter the room
Everybody's chillin' as I set up the groove
Pumpin' up the volume with this brand new beat
Everybody's dancin' and their dancin' for me
I'm your operator, you can call anytime
I'll be your connection to the party line

I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
Get this party started
Get this party started right now
Get this party started
Get this party started
Get this party started right now

乐队组合：Don’t Say You Love Me

Don't Say You Love Me
Got introduced to you by a friend
You were cute and all that
Baby you set the trend, yes you did oh
The next thing I know we're down at the cinema
We're sitting there, you start kissing me
What's that about?

VERSE 2
You're moving too fast, I don't understand you
I'm not ready yet, baby I can't pretend
No I can't
The best I can do is tell you to talk to me
It's possible, eventual
Love will find a way
Love will find a way...
CHORUS

Don't say you love me
You don't even know me
If you really want me
Then give me some time
Don't go there baby
Not before I'm ready
Don't say your heart's in a hurry
It's not like we're gonna get married
Give me, give me some time

VERSE 3
Here's how I play, here's where you stand
Here's what to prove to get any further than where it's been
I'll make it clear, not gonna tell you twice
Take it slow, you keep pushing me
You're pushing me away
Pushing me away...
Don't say you love me
You don't even know me
If you really want me
Then give me some time
Don't go there baby
Not before I'm ready
Don't say your heart's in a hurry
It's not like we're gonna get married
Give me, give me some time
BRIDGE
Don't say you love me
You don't even know me baby…

Baby don't say you love me, baby
Give me some time...
Don't say you love me
You don't even know me
If you really want me
Then give me some time
Don't go there baby
Not before I'm ready
Don't say your heart's in a hurry
It's not like we're gonna get married
Give me, give me some time
Don't say you love me
You don't even know me
If you really want me
Then give me some time
Don't go there baby
Not before I'm ready
Don't say your heart's in a hurry
It's not like we're gonna get married
Give me, give me some time
Don't say you love me
You don't even know me
If you really want me
Then give me some time
Don't go there baby
Not before I'm ready